I am DRY

A few weeks ago, I went to visit my mate at work.

I had just finished working on a shoot and thought I'd pop in to say hi.

There was an old book wrinkled on the edges and the cover design was a bit tattered.

The large font "Dry" had a running smear effect... I was intrigued so I picked it up.

Ash was like "dude... this book is right up your alley. You must read it"

So I said "Ok...." without knowing my life would no longer be same as soon as I turn the pages.

I have never heard of Augusten Burroughs before, Ash mentioned the film Running with scissors and I was vaguely familiar with the title. For some reason though the story just had a grip on me from the beginning, I could quite figure out why. It soon became clear that his life was scarily but strangely familiar to me.

Augusten was a 20 something, nice suit (substitute this with an outfit for me), works in advertising (check), pretty ordinary by societal terms. But the story unfolded with early signs of his attachment to alcohol, he never went home and never saw the drinking as a big deal…until his job grinded to a halt based on his work mates’ orders that he needed help. Apparently when alcohol comes out your pores the next day it is not a good thing especially when you need to meet an important client.

I can’t say I have gone through the extremes Burroughs had experienced, but I can sure detect the warning signs on the path I was heading… it is not really a cliché as such when you work in advertising, I suppose you either like to get loose to have fun with it or you remain straight or at least sensible. I am young and liked to have a laugh where possible while my acquaintances surely didn’t slow me down either. I guess we all just gravitate towards souls where we feel most at ease.

My house was not lined up with empty bottles although that would have made a spectacular visual for a photo. But more often than not….I had lived on liquid diets for days and virtually no sleep then I would crash out HARD. The rehab experience told by Burroughs was entertaining and scary at the same time. The story is full of dramatic twist and turns, it is not really about alcohol abuse so much. I came to learn that it was more about his search for love and dealing with his hidden emotions where the worst childhood memories have been suppressed with the drugs and alcohol, the feelings all comes rushing back to him in the face of tragedy and triumph.

I thoroughly liked the story and can’t be more grateful for finding it or it had found me perhaps… either way, it has really changed me in a big way. I have stopped drinking for almost 2 months now but it feels like an eternity. I actually find it not too hard, the only real obstacle is hanging out with friends when they are all getting loose but I still love them and I have learn to deal with it.

I am just excited for a new year where I can do more photography assisting and learning from more interesting people.

Sobriety is a lonely road less travelled in my demo

This is not actually me but I really liked the photo. I felt that it described the sentiment really appropriately. photo by eganfrantz

I know.... I know the blog has been quiet this week.
Many of you may not have known unless you have been reading my blog from the very beginning.
I have been going out for about a solid month now. I am talking about out pretty much every week 5 nights in a row, often starting from Wednesday ending on a gig on Sunday night or possibly more alcohol induced social activities. Yes I do very much live on a life of excess after work hours, initially I thought it was no big deal since that is kind of a good excuse to relieve stress and socialise.

The whole partying ways have become somewhat of a normal expected weekly routine for me, my friends who are not accustomed to such a lifestyle might be in awe that I am still alive and functional.
I felt very much like the almighty as well.

Last Friday was a very fuzzy night, just to put it lightly, I saw a lot of people and did a lot of things my memory has not held dearly. It is probably just resting comfortably in my subconscious waiting to be unlocked, either way it was pretty much my downfall for all the partying I have welcomed with my shaky open arms.
The much anticipated illness had finally caught up to me this week. I have been bed ridden for the last 2 days missing out on work that I really shouldn't be taking lightly with looming deadlines ahead.

The only upside to this traumatic come down is that I realised I have hit a wall physically and mentally.
I have started to draw again and putting my ideas fon paper for my own label is rewarding even though it is only preliminary.
The thought of not drinking on a Wednesday night is also refreshing with no sore heads to wake up to the next day.

I am so determined to stay sober now, just for myself to be healthy and save the much needed capital to start making some clothing samples from my own designs while I get over to HK and Japan in July.

Yes - the pieces are falling together now....!